literally had 100 drinks last night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
