I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
