i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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