i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
