Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
