How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
