I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
