Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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