I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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