i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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