he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
