if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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