when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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