P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize