Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
