Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
