Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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