So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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