He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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