You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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