The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
