mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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