THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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