They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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