Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
