Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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