She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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