I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize