So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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