Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
