Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
