That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
