Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
