he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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