ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
