meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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