There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
