My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
