yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
