Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize