I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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