What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
