I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
