My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
