I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
