I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
