we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
