I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
