I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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