So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
