Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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