She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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