I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
