Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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