dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
