i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
