at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
