YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
