Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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