just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
