i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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