You really coming over, don't trick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
