im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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