She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
