theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
