Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
