meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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