Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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