I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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