Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
