You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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