sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
