One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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