The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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