just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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