if i can run in heels then i can drive
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
