3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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