Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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