chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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