You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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