i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
