you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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