I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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