Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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