I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
