last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
