I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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