loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
