The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
