I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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